day…24?
idek anymore. i havent been keeping up. i keep thinking about tommy all the time. idek what to do anymore.
this picture was from a day i was walking home with payton and tommy, and payton stole my ipod and two is better than one was on pause and she was like “WHY DO YOU LISTEN TO THIS SONG SO MUCH” and tommy just put his arm around me and pulled me in. i miss that. i miss all of it. i miss him.
i have a feeling tomorrows going to be roughh…
today i realized two is better than one.
day19;
last night arek was rushed to the hospital.
he died.
i should’ve never fought with him.
i’m so mad at myself.
i’m so confused.
i hate life.
rip arek. <3
day18;
early thursday was pretty lame. i was with amanda payton emily tflare (tommy flaherty) and jake the whole time. i never saw tommy (my ex) and that did not make me happy. we walked a lot. it snowed. it was cold. it was boring. nothing eventful happened.
i’m not going to school tomorrow. i have a doctors appt. so fuck it i’m just not going. even though i’m going to have to make up a test. whatever.
today i realized there’s too many people named tommy.
day17;
i made a memory wall today, and just covered my wall in pictures. i love it. whenever i look behind me, it’s like a blast from the past. and when i look at it, it actually feels like i’m at home.
tomorrow’s early release, and i’m not going to school on friday because i have a doctors appointment. i can’t wait to just chill with my friends all day tomorrow. i seriously need a break from everything. but besides that, life is good right now.
today i realized i will never let go of my past; and that to me, is a good thing.
day16;
god i have so much to write.
FIRST OFF, if you haven’t read the books above, go fucking read them. right now. RIGHT NOW. best books like ever. they changed my life one way or another.
and i couldn’t fucking find this lullaby by sarah dessen so i am now having a fucking mental esplosion.
but anyways,
i talked to arek last night for the first time in a while. i miss talking to him. and you know what i realized? pat wasn’t the one who fucked up my life. arek did. well, he didn’t fuck it up. i guess i fucked it up after we broke up. or something. idek. but point being, he’s the one who changed everything for me; relationship wise. i’d explain, but you wouldn’t exactly understand.
and he made me realize how much i lie / keep shit from my parents. they don’t know that i
god. idek. i’m thinking about things waaay differently now. my brain is going to esplode. e s p l o d e.
but i’ve decided that whenever i fight with people, i’m never going to end a conversation being mad at them. well, at least i’ll try not to. i’m not going to completely change myself. just change the way i deal with certain things.
ok none of this probably makes sense to you. whatever.
today i realized i’m one fucking confused individual.
day… 15?;
so i missed yesterday. i dont give a fuckkkkkkkk.
i dont feel like taking a picture today. i look like shit cause it fucking poured. fucking. POURED. so i found this old picture of me and kelly from a thousand years ago. fuuuuuuck i miss this. i miss everything. i hate my life now. dasss cool.
for now, and for a long time, all i’m focussing on is friends and schoolwork; because all i need/want at this point is my friends and to get into yale. fuck guys, that’s just a bunch of bullshit.
today i didn’t realize anything.
day13;
i missed day 12. i found this in my pictures. faaack. i miss this. i miss you.
today was borrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg. pat won’t stop texting me. i want to fucking shoot him, but i can’t block his number without asking my parents. :/ ugh why does life suck so much lately.
i’m going to the movies with michelle, alec, and ryan tomorrow probably. (: if RYAN WILL FUCKING ANSWER MY TEXTS. okay. idk if i should ask tommy to come. i really doubt i will. i need to get over him, right now.
today i realized i just don’t know anymore.
day11;
omg i found this today. i laughed so hard. i miss my old friends. :/
BUT ANYWAYS. today was fucking hilarious.
me: dude, tommy looks fucking adorable today.
payton: yeah well… mike looks… clean..
never laughed harder in my life.
but besides that it was boring. tomorrow is friday. yes.
today i realized im not gonna get over this.
day10;
i look like crap in this.
i’m so depressed.
i miss tommy.
bye.
today i realized i can’t fucking do this without you.
day9;
okay my eyes look super gay here but in rl they’re perrrty cool.
BUT ANYWAYS TODAY WAS REALLY WEIRD. AND TOMMYS COMING TO MY CHORUS CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT AND OMFG MY HAIR LOOOKS LIKE SHIT AND ITS NOT GOING TO LOOK ANY BETTER TOMORROW NIGHT AND THEN IMMA CRY.
ok. yeah.
today i realized i’m not going to give up on you.
